The time has come.. The time of discontentment. The time of ungratefulness and grumbling. Yes friends, I am there. It is a dark valley where I find myself often. Sometimes I can be walking through it without even knowing I am there and that my heart is out of sorts. Then there are times like these where I become fully aware that my heart is snagged in this valley. It is caught here. I suppose it all started a few months ago. My hub and I have been throwing around the idea of buying our first home together. This is a great idea you say? I agree. So then why the problem? The problem began when I started to become obsessed with this idea. It had to be real, I HAD to have a home by next year. We HAD to be financially ready. I HAVE to find a better job so that we can save all we can for our down payment. Yes, herein lies the problem. The problem of valuing something above God, above my good sense, above my husbands feelings on the matter at times as well. I am compelled to ask myself, Do I love God in this way? Am I THIS desperate for Him? My heart aches to learn the answer is no. I cannot even at times put my husbands feelings above mine. On occasion when there has been an emergency or unexpected bill I have had such a miserable attitude about having to borrow from our house savings account, when I should be thanking God that it is there at all and we CAN use that money if we MUST. Funny how God shows and reveals things.
So, it is not acceptable to just have this realization and do nothing about it.Therefore, I must strive to desire more of God knowing that if I desire Him above all, then He will give me the desires of my heart.
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